Goodbye
by sologirl00
Summary: Dan turned away, staring at her like she was a memory."Goodbye then, Blair." "Bye, Dan."-Sorry for the mistakes. R


"Drinking to forget?"  
"If only it were possible ... what are you doing here, Blair?" Dan asked as he took his glass of whiskey in his mouth.  
"Too many people in there. I needed some air."  
Blair turned around just a little, to see the people dancing. Lily and Rufus wedding, now more official than ever, seemed to be the most entertaining event in the UES. In the middle of the dancing room, the newlyweds danced to the slow song that Rufus once wrote to his true love.  
"They seem happy ... " She said with a hint of envy.  
"They're the kind of couple you find in novels. He, the eternal in love waiting for her for nearly 20 years. She, the aristocracy woman that only in her adulthood has the courage to leave her own prejudices behind."  
"You should write it."  
"Wouldn't it be too cliche for me? After_ Inside_, everyone will think I'm talking about Dylan and Clair ... And the truth is that Clair loves another man and she'll love him forever, and Dylan ... Dylan is too damaged ..."  
"Dylan deserves someone too ... " she said, approaching the railing and watching the city lights.  
"Can we stop pretending that we're talking about two fictional characters?"Dan glanced at her.  
"I still want you to be happy, Dan"And Blair had to suppress an urge to take his hand.  
"I know."  
"Have you ever wished that things never changed?" The guy asked after a long silence.  
"What do you mean?" Blair couldn't help to be afraid with that question. Never, in all this time, they had taken this talk. In a way, she knew that the broken heart of a writer couldn't stop imagining other scenarios, but having never been more than friends, Blair never imagine it possible.  
"Don't get me wrong. I mean, just being friends. Turn back time and do it all differently."  
"Why are you telling me this? I do not regret anything that happened."  
"It's not that"  
"What is it then? Looking to hurt me? You hate me so much that you regret having feelings for me?" Blair asked feeling hurt.  
"No ... not that, Blair. It's just sometimes ... sometimes I just miss you."  
And then her heart froze a moment, just a moment. It didn't take great analysis, or pompous words. Only rough to be honest, and Dan was always honest with her. Even when she wasn't honest with herself.  
"Me too. " She whispered softly, still fearing that the boy hasn't heard her, and fearing even further, if he had.  
"And I don't regret what we had together. Of course I would have changed a couple of things."  
"Especially how we ended ..."  
"Especially ..." Dan said, even more self-absorbed, and finishing his glass of whiskey in one gulp.  
"We can still be friends, right?" Blair asked, afraid of an answer she knew wouldn't make her happy.  
"I think not. It was too much... and, at the risk of sounding corny, I don't know if I can not love you and be just your friends ..."  
"Dan ..."  
"I'm sorry, Blair. But it's the truth."  
"Now what?" She asked, almost with tears in her eyes, a tightness in her chest, which she could only assimilate to the loss of something. Something was ending, and she wasn't ready to let it go.  
"I just wanted you to know that I miss you. I miss our debates, our walks, our movie nights ..."  
"I also miss all that ... "She whispered, while with her right hand, she wiped one disobedient tear who escaped.  
"But the difference is that sometimes when I'm in these strangely positive days, when I can only remember the good times in our relationship, I also miss ... the rest ...  
" The kisses ..." Blair said with a dreamy look, and the disdain memory of one afternoon in Brooklyn, legs intertwined and a somewhat forgotten French film in the distance. And kisses, lot of kisses ...  
Just then Dan turned to look at her. Surprised. Bitter. Melancholic.  
"Do not act so surprised, Humphrey. You were always very good at those things ... "And Blair, had to hide a dreamy smile, and repress another memory, an elevator and the smell of alcohol and going up and down ...  
"I'm glad you take it so naturally ..."  
"Don't be condescending. I'm just saying, I miss it too. But my scenario is different, I don't question us being together and if we can be friends again ... I wonder how our friendship would be today if we could both return to be just friends, and we saw our past relationship as something nice which made us happy for a while, but we exceeded both ... And, and I imagine going back to see exhibitions, or discussing economic, or just watching Rosemary's baby at some lost film forum around town ..."  
"The problem is that's how everything started, Blair. " he said shooking his head as he turned to look at the city.  
" How?"  
"Sure, that's how I ended falling for you ... And you, trying to forget Chuck, while you were still married to Louis, and wanted to deceive yourself into thinking you could feel something for me ..."  
"It wasn't like that" she couldn't help wanting to mourn again.  
"The problem is that. For me it would be very easy to fall in love with you again ..."  
-"Do you still think I'm a heartless witch? That I played with the feelings of my best friend, only to forget about another man?"  
And again, she was crying. Feeling sorry for how things turned out, the talks that were due, the promises that weren't fulfilled, the shared dreams that were forgotten, or hidden, for fear of what that might mean. And this time, she didn't repress the memory, and her heart raced and her hands sweated when she noticed recently that Dan still wore the same perfume that he wore that night.  
"When I told you you had my heart, I wasn't lying. The truth is that Chuck ..."  
"It is the love of your life."  
"I don't know. Sometimes I think we are inevitable. That never will be another man for me. But then I remember the guy from Brooklyn who fell for me, regardless of everything else, and then I realize I have to value myself more ... I am not only Chuck Bass's girlfriend ..."  
"I'm glad I served for something." he said, visibly angry.  
"Don't be like that. I didn't said that ..."  
"So what's it like? Are you glad that someone else actually seen who you really are? That's where you're wrong, Chuck never really knew who you are ... because you, Blair, you are the books you read, the movies you see, and the dreams you struggle, tell me, how much of it you share with Chuck?"  
"Does that really matters more than love?"And she failed to know which love she was referring again. Yet in reality, she still didn't know wich love was better but there she was, choosing, again.  
"Then Blair, you have everything you wanted."  
"I don't have my best friend."And this time, she touched his arm.  
"No ... I can't be...not..."  
"Can we at least try?"  
"I'm leaving."  
"Now?"  
"No. I'm leaving town. I'm moving to London."  
"What?" Blair really wished she didn't sound so hurt when she asked.  
"I leaving tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to see Lily and my dad in Paris, for a couple of days and then I move to my new home."  
"NY is your home."  
"It used to be. But if I want to move on, I have to go."  
"You can move on here ..."  
"No, I can't. I can't move on here... I don't complain of the life I lived here. I have my family, my friends, my memories. But sometimes that's not enough ..."  
"Yes it is" And as she said it, she knew she sounded like a capricious child, but it hardly mattered.  
"No. Just as I wasn't enough for you, NY isn't enough for me ..."  
"Not the same."  
"You're right. It was a bad example."  
"Why don't you stay here? Why not try to recover what you feel you lost at home?, That's progress ..."  
"It is not what I want ... Blair, if I ever really want to be your friend again, staying here in NY wouldn't help me, can you understand that?"  
And she understood. She had always understood.  
"Do you ... do you still feel ... for me...Still?  
"Still"  
"Dan ..."  
"I know. You're getting married with Chuck. You're going to get your happy ending ..."  
"Don't you want that for me?"  
"Always."  
She stepped closer to him. Elbows touching, and Blair lied to herself that it was only because the night was cool, not because somehow, she wanted to feel him close again. Dan looked at her, straight in the eye, transparent, as always.  
"I'm going to miss you even more, Humphrey."  
"Me too, Waldorf."  
And when she thought he was the only one who had not yet moved on, it was her who closed the distance between them . And her nostrils filled with the sweet smell of coffee, and her hands found uncontrolled curls and her lips filled with kisses that, only then, she knew she missed.  
"What was that?"  
"We never had a goodbye kiss." She told him, holding him too close.  
Dan turned away, staring at her like she was a memory.  
"Goodbye then, Blair."  
"Bye, Dan."  
But he hadn't made two steps, and Blair hadn't been able to hide her tears, when he stoped and turned around.  
"Just so you know ... all the Humphrey men can wait 20 years ..."  
It didn't took them 20 years to see eachother again.


End file.
